Resulting from a long history of mixed religions and subjugation to Japan, the Korean mindset is unique. It takes at least 6 months to begin to understand. Koreans are openly rude in superficial ways. They will bump into you and say nothing – there really is no word for excuse me or sorry. They may not say hello. Handshakes are limp. There is no “God bless you” if you sneeze. (We surmise this is because Asia was not affected by the Black Plague and thus does not fear sneezing.) Driving is a process of cars cutting each other off; waving your hand to someone is just not done.
What is amazing however is how kind the average Korean actually is if you get the slightest bit deeper. Once you give a Korean some time or attention or do something nice the returns are beyond anything I’ve experienced in the U.S.
Koreans will stop and ask if you need help if they think you look troubled. They will try to provide help before you know you need it, if you seem lost or need help with language. They will give you a seat in the subway. Silently and without warning, they will pull your shopping bags rudely out of your hands only because they want to carry them for you. They generally don’t want tips for things. Doing things for others is the culturally accepted way of being. I left my phone in a taxi and just as I came to this realization, the doorbell rang and my phone was returned thanks to the driver who came back, talked to the guard at the end of our street and our landlord who called Amanda…a group effort to make up for my negligence!
Amanda and I went hiking last spring to an area I had never been. Amanda had been before but wasn’t sure of her directions so asked an older man for help. After providing assistance, he then hiked a bit behind us clearly tailing us to make sure we went the right way. A bit further, I took a spill and hurt my back on a rock. I know this sounds a bit pathetic, so I’ll just keep moving. The same man was on the scene along with 3 others, almost like a guardian angel. He phoned 119 (korea’s 911) and described our whereabouts (I assumed). A second person had lifted my shirt and sprayed an anesthetic. They stayed with me and then helped me get to the ambulance when it arrived. None of them spoke a word of English. Amanda rode with my in the ambulance and (sensitively?) asked me to smile for a picture!
At the hospital, I gave my name to a nurse and went straight into an area where several people were waiting for immediate attention. These people were moaning (I of course stoically and quietly managed my pain) and it was cramped, generally a grim atmosphere. After a few minutes, I was brought to a doctor who I swear looked no older than Daphne. He asked me some questions and then gave me a slip to get an x-ray. Amanda and I then started wandering inside the emergency room looking for the x-ray room. Of course, I looked very fashionable in my hospital garb as you can see instantly below:
Several others too were wandering looking for other services and we found an enema room, a rescusitation room, MRI room, etc along our way. It was somewhat like a small mall and you walked around shopping for services needed. I received my x-ray and results another doctor who looked younger than the first shared the images with me. Then, they took samples and had me sit in waiting room for 1.5 hours to give me those test results and make sure I was ok. After all was clear, I was given a bill for about 200 dollars which I paid with a credit card. Subject of insurance or money never came up until I was exiting. Overall, a different and pretty good experience I would say.Some people say that Koreans are the Latin Americans of Asia and, after 18 months here, I believe I’m starting to understand. They hide emotions but are very emotional. This is most obvious when out drinking with work colleagues. After a few shots, they go from not being willing to speak to you in meetings, to openly telling you what they like and don’t like about you and it gets louder and louder. People literally take turns telling everyone at the table how they feel. It is not something you would see in U.S. unless it was some life event (birthday or wedding). They do these dinners constantly. Their friend relationships with each other are everything to them, more important than their families or the success of their careers. They care more about saving face and being loyal than whether they are doing the right thing or making sense, NOT very helpful in a business context!
Client meetings here are so different. There is almost always a welcome sign, meetings always include a meal and coffee or tea.
They (usually CEO and CFO) meet you at the door and walk you to your car and stand and wave as you leave.
Like many developing, and even developed, Asian countries where food scarcity is NOT a dim memory, but rather one still very much a childhood memory for much of the elderly population who lived through wars, famines, etc, Korea still values food in a manner that is hard for us to truly fathom. In fact, the standard Korean greeting exchanged daily between nearly everyone is “Have you eaten today? ” versus “How’s it going?”. Koreans love to offer/share food and we’ve experienced this while hiking, shopping, and connecting with strangers. Whenever we make an extra effort to speak Korean with a storekeeper, a taxi driver, a hiker, we are often rewarded with a baked sweet potato, an apple, a rice cake. I even got a small bottle of super sweet Reisling wine from the wine shop owner for my efforts to articulate in Korean the wine I wished to pair with certain food for a dinner party. I plan to go back….:)
Strangers help us all the time when we are lost or confused and often step in to help when we could easily be ignored/walked past. If we are in the subway, staring at the map, we are often approached and asked (in English) if we need assistance. Several times, with the help of Google Translate, I’ve typed a question into my phone, translated it to Korean and shared it with a complete stranger who patiently considers a solution, searches the web for the answer, then types a Korean response and translates it back to English. When we return back to the States, I hope I find the opportunity to help a foreigner in this generous, patient manner that we’ve experienced numerous times. The world should work like this.
Last winter while we were skiing at Pyeongchang, Zoe managed to get her zipper stuck when we were about to head back out after a warm up drink at the top of the mountain. We were wrestling with the coat, totally unaware of those around us, when a complete stranger stepped in, wordlessly, and took over. He patiently spent a full 5 minutes patiently teasing the material out of the zipper’s teeth. So unbelieveably kind and classically Korean as we now know!
Our most amazing experience with “Korean Kindness”however is best exemplified by our interactions with Steve, a man who works as a driver/personal secretary for our elderly Korean neighbor (whom we’ve yet to even lay eyes upon). Zoe and I met Steve one day last spring while planting flowers in front of our house on the street curb. Friendly Steve, who is 62 yrs. old (but looks 4o…of course) and lived in the US when he worked as an engineer for a large Korean company, struck up a conversation with us and got down on his hands and knees to help us plant. Before we knew it he and the guard were rooting through our garbage/recycling bags demonstrating how to correctly separate, flatten, gather the various forms of waste/recyclables. I was just relieved there wasn’t any unsightly personal waste in our garbage as they tore through the bags. After 8 months, we thought we were finally managing this all correctly! Since Steve seemed very interested in our gardening efforts, I invited him up to our backyard so he could see the areas we were planting. He immediately commented that we should get a badmitton set for our large yard and offered to help secure the poles properly in the grass. Steve then offered to water our plants on the curb daily since I didn’t have a hose in front…again, so kind!
But it gets even better….the next day Bill and I came home from a walk to find Steve and another Korean gentleman wandering around our yard. They had come over and Zoe had buzzed them in. Steve’s friend, Mr. Jung doesn’t speak any English but as Steve explained, loves gardening and is very knowledgeable. My Amerian scepticism started to creep in as I heard this and I began to anticipate a proposal for us to hire his as our gardener, but I went with it as they walked around the yard commenting. After a few minutes, Steve asked if I wanted to go to the Yangaie Flower Market which is about an hour out of the city when there’s no traffic…but a hellish trip on a weekend afternoon. Since it was about 3:30pm and Bill and I had evening plans, I declined. “No problem! We will go for you and get some plants”, says Steve. Again, I was skeptical so I asked about the cost of materials, time, labor and they both kept saying “don’t worry about it” and that they were doing us a favor??!! I finally agreed to a budget of $70 and they set off happily. Via text message over the next few hours, I received pictures of various flowers/plant material they proposed for the garden. I made my selections and later that evening they delivered the plants to our house while we were out. The next day, Mr. Jung and Steve asked to come to plant the new material…which they did for nearly 3 hours?!! Several times over the next 2 months, Mr. Jung and Steve would drop by to weed, fiddle with my watering system, lend us a lawn mower, etc. Each time, I’d offer water and some fruit/cookies and lamely nod my thanks for their incredible kindness and generosity. Here are a few pictures of our Seongbukdong garden!
We’ve made a point of visiting Mr. Jung’s tea shop in hopes of showing our gratitude but are only met by more kindness since his wife invariably brings us a special treat each time. We settle for warms nods to each other and hope that our appreciation is properly conveyed.
seoulfulsojourn.net 